I can't believe this is happening again
Have you ever said that to yourself... "why's this happening again?"
Why do I keep attracting toxic partners?
The wrong kind of person?
Mean bosses?
Friends that end up making me feel like crap?
Money that keeps going out as soon as it comes?
Why is my life always so hard?
What do I keep struggling?
Why am I so unlucky?
I SO get it because I used to think a lot of those same things too and so many more. I bet you've read all the books, listened to the podcasts, watched the Ted talks and Youtube clips. You're doing the yoga and meditation. So, why do you keep experiencing the same old things over and over again?
Here's the deal.... until you uncover the old programming and beliefs that are living underneath the surface, in your subconscious mind, and do the work to reprogram them, you will continue to see the same patterns play out again and again in your life.
No matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to, or Ted talks you watch, nothing will change until you start to dive deep and do the work.
Well, that's not totally true.... you will probably experience a little bit of a shift. At the beginning of my journey, when I finally hit a point where I knew something had to change because I was feeling so lost, so empty, when I had completely lost myself I began to explore in earnest yoga and meditation. I began reading all the books, and following some amazing spiritual teachers, and I did experience shifts. I did start to feel a little bit better. I started to feel a little bit lighter. I began to be able to respond to my circumstance better rather then always be in reaction. I began to decrease my anxiety and stress levels. And, all of those things were so amazing and an absolute shift in the right direction. But, I was still feeling lost. My relationship to my husband was still not great. I still didn't believe or see myself ever being able to do anything other then the administrative, low level jobs I had done. I was still searching for more meaning and purpose in my life. I was still searching for a deep, lasting joy.
Want to know why?
Here's why..... (there's 2 main parts to this answer)
1.
No amount of reading, listening, and watching of spiritual truths will ever create the change you desire. You actually have to integrate and implement the teachings to see the differences. I spent a few too many years (I must confess) reading all of these books like novels, thinking, "yes, yes, this all makes sense. I totally believe this! I totally resonate with this!" And, then I would put the book down and do nothing about it. Sound familiar? If you want to experience positive shifts in your life you have to actually do the work!
2.
Which brings me to the next point... as soon as I started doing the deep work, that's when my life began to really change. To really create changes in your life you have to start changing the subconscious beliefs that have been directing your life forever. This is the work!! And, it all starts with awareness. It all starts with paying attention to your thoughts. What are the stories that you tell yourself day in and day out? What are the beliefs that are running through your mind just below the surface all day long.
Some of mine were, "I'm just not smart enough to be really successful. It's better to be practical and comfortable then to take risks and maybe fail. Money is hard and I've never made good money so I never will. Making friends is hard. I'm just not interesting enough or have enough to contribute to attract friends. I don't want to look stupid or be judged so I'd rather hangout in the background and not say much. If I speak up, I'll sound dumb. Life is hard. I should just be grateful for what I have. I'm selfish for wanting more. Settling is safe."
Any of those sound familiar?
So, no wonder I was stuck in a job I hated, struggled to make friends that I felt really saw me or liked me, couldn't support myself financially, was quiet, unsatisfied, unhappy, and full of self-doubt and fear. But, when I started to look at those stories and create new empowering stories that's when my life really changed! That's when I took a huge risk and bet on me and left all the jobs and decided to be a coach (which was the best decision ever), that's when I began my self-love journey and started showing up in life as my real, authentic self and effortlessly attracted in the most amazing friends who really got me (duh, I was actually letting them see me), that's when I started to dream big and make the dreams a reality!
So, I'm willing to bet that you have your fair share of beliefs running the show of your life that are responsible for those same damn patterns showing up again an again.
If you're ready to create your best life now then I invite you to start getting really familiar with the stories or beliefs that have been steering the ship thus far. Take back your power. Let me share this really easy tip that I have all my clients do right away that will support you in uncovering these stories.
Set a timer on your phone for every hour or two. It can have a simple message like, "how am I feeling? What are my thoughts?"
And, just become the non judgmental observer. Practice noticing with so much love and compassion for yourself as you become witness to your stories. No need to add blame and judgment on top of it!
This is the first step, Awareness. You can't change what you're not aware of.
Gaining the awareness is key and once you're aware you get the awesome opportunity of releasing and creating new self-loving and empowering stories to replace those worn out ones (more on that step coming soon!).
Let me know how this supports you. Comment below and tell what stories and beliefs are you ready to let go?
so much love to you,
Shaina
p.s. I have an exciting FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom.
Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom.
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#1 way to experience more joy
Let me ask you... when's the last time you really put yourself first?
I mean truly prioritized your happiness, your desires, your needs before everyone else?
And, if you have, were you able to do it without massive guilt?
I struggled with this for most of my adult life. I felt selfish if I 'asserted' my own needs. I avoided confrontation at all costs, I was the ultimate people pleaser, and worked to fit in rather then honor myself, all in a desperate attempt to be liked, loved, and accepted. And, I had a belief (as many of us have been programmed to believe) that to be accepted and to feel loved, I had to bend and flow to the needs and desires of everyone else.
This is the way so many women go through life. We have been taught to put ourselves last. To be quiet, meek, selfless, to sacrifice, to put ourselves last. We live this way until we finally hit a tipping point where we realize we have totally disappeared from our own lives. That we have morphed, bent, contorted, stretched to be everything for everyone else that we've lost ourselves.
This was where my own spiritual journey began. One day I looked in the mirror and realized that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I felt like a shell, a shadow, going through the motions of life, but not really living. I had pretty debilitating anxiety that seemed to control my life. I was parenting my young daughter, taking care of my terminally ill mother, working, and managing my household. I was in a job I hated, but had accepted as 'good enough.' My marriage was rocky. I felt like I was drowning. I was lost and their was an emptiness inside me.
And, to say the least, there was no joy.
I had no idea what brought me joy. I was desperately desiring to feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, passion, purpose in my life and I kept looking outside myself to find it. But, what I quickly learned was to truly find, cultivate, and feel true joy I had to journey back to myself.
True joy comes from within!
To experience real, lasting joy you get to claim space in your own life. You get to prioritize your own needs, your own desires, your own wants!
You get to choose you!
You get to reconnect to yourself. Create and nurture a relationship with yourself. Show yourself that you honor, value, and believe you are worthy of taking up space.
And, I'll be honest, it can be an uncomfortable process at first. Whenever you step out of your comfort zone, when you start pushing against the edges of the status quo, when you start to put yourself in the equation of your own life in a way that the people in your life aren't used to, it will likely ruffle some feathers.
That's okay! Allow the discomfort to be there. It's a necessary step in reclaiming your life. Then start to get curious. Start tuning into your own inner knowing, your own intuition, your highest Soul Self and ask, "what do I want? What would make me happy? What lights me up? What would fill me with joy?
Start making your relationship to yourself your top priority.
Start speaking up about what you want, what you need. And, start intentionally and consciously doing things every single day that fill you up, that make you happy. Start getting selfish about feeling good!
This is how you begin to create true, lasting joy... by showing yourself you believe in your own worth and love yourself. By choosing you. By beginning to believe that your happiness, your desires, your wants, your needs, matter just as much as anyone else's.
And, start to consider your wants, desires, and need every single day and when making any decisions. Before saying 'yes' to others, ask yourself, "is this honoring and loving to me? Will this bring me joy and feel good to do? Does this feel in alignment to my truth and highest self?"
So, I invite you to start getting curious. How often are you prioritizing yourself in your life? Pull out your journal and free write on these questions:
1. What would my life look life if I prioritized my own happiness?
2. What would I do differently then I am doing now?
3. How can I bring more joy into my life?
4. What do I really want?
5. What is the little voice inside of me whispering to me? What do I really desire?
6. And, what stories, resistance, or beliefs come up when I start considering prioritizing myself in my life?
Tell me where you are struggling most to take up space in your life. What stories or resistance come up for you when you think about prioritizing your own happiness?
And, download my free guide, TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE to start creating your best life now!
so much love and light to you,
Shaina
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How to Create Unwavering Confidence
One of the reasons that I struggled to step fully into my highest self, step fully into the life I know I was meant to live, and desired to create was because l lacked Confidence.
I believed confidence was an innate characteristic that some people had, and I just didn’t have it in me.
But, here’s the truth Confidence is a choice.
It is within all of us and just needs to be developed and built up.
Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to walk into any room with your head held high and strike up a conversation with anyone.
Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to speak up at work and share your ideas.
Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to break out of the mold and let your real self be seen without the fear of judgment or rejection.
I get it.... I have desired all those things and so much more, but self-doubt and insecurity kept me small for a really long time...
You see, we tend to forge beliefs about ourselves based on negative experiences we have had in the past and they keep us from living into our full potential. But, these experiences are in your past. You do not need to let them define you and become your future. You get to choose who you are NOW, and the life you want to live. You can choose now to see yourself as worthy, capable, and deserving!
You can create an unwavering CONFIDENCE in yourself NOW!
Here’s How:
1. Think of an area in your life that you have felt too afraid to pursue or go for. Where in your life have you lacked the confidence to to show up fully?
(example: I lack the confidence to show up fully in new social situations, I feel anxious and like I will have nothing to say.)
2. Write down the negative beliefs or conclusions you have created about yourself in this area.
(example: I am not good at small talk. People aren’t going to like more or they are going to judge me because I am awkward when I’m in new social situations. I don’t know how to talk to people.)
3. Create new empowering affirmations that are the opposite of these negative beliefs.
(example: I am an awesome communicator. I can walk into any room with my head held high and talk to anyone with ease. I believe it’s easy and fun to be in new social situations.) 4. Write out a new, positive, empowering scenario where you are taking this area of your life by the horns! Where you are showing up fully, in your power, and fill this description with all the feel good feelings you want to experience.
(example: I see myself walking up to a group of people that are all chatting, my head is held high, my shoulders are back, I have a big smile on my face. I easily and confidently walk up to the group and join the conversation. They are excited and happy to have me join. I feel and ease and love being able to chat effortlessly with anyone. I am self-assured, confident, and joyful.)
5. Now visualize yourself in your new image. In this new, updated version of you. Imagine doing the thing that scares you and doing it beautifully. Our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This has been scientifically proven! If you spend 5-10 minutes every day vividly imagining yourself doing the thing that scares you and doing it really well. If you can see yourself really capable, and not only that, but also feeling good doing it, you will create it in your reality. Start to feel into the experience as if it’s happening right now. See yourself tackling whatever it is with confidence, excitement, enjoyment, joy, gratitude.
The more you do this, your subconscious mind will start to believe that it has happened, you will start to create new neural pathways, new emotions, and feelings around this area of your life.
You will create the confidence you need to go and do the thing!
Are you ready to commit to this practice? Commit to creating your life on your terms! You have the choice. What choice are you going to make?
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3 Ways to Create More Joy In Your Life
I used to get so frustrated when I heard Influencers talk about the importance of joy. They would say lean into joy more, be more joyful, do the things that bring you joy. And, at the time, it would drive me crazy because (and I’ll be really honest with you) I had NO idea what brought me joy. I was so disconnected from myself, disconnected from who I truly was, that I had forgotten what joy was to me.
Life had become about the to-do’s, about my responsibilities. I had been consumed by my identities as a mother, wife, employee, daughter, caretaker, and manager of life, that I had lost the most important identity, myself. I had lost my vibrancy and zest for life. I felt a bit overwhelmed by all the adulting that joy was not on the top of my priority list!
And, it’s not to say that I never had fun. My life by no means was terrible or depressing. My life was pretty good actually, but did I laugh every day? No! Did I spend time intentionally creating space to consider what brought me joy? No! Did I carve out time daily or on a very regular basis to do the things that lit my soul up? No!
I was not taking the time to intentionally connect to joy in my life.
Hell, I wasn’t taking the time to intentionally connect to myself!
So, if this at all resonates with you and you’re desiring to feel more joy in your life then I got you!
3 Ways to Create More Joy
Make Yourself a Joy List
Create a list of the things that light you up, that bring you to life, that make your spirit sing and commit to doing something on that list every week, or even better every single day!
Things on my list are: walking on the beach, feeling the sun on my face, singing my heart out in the car (where no one else has to hear me ;)), dancing with my daughter, my morning routine, deep-soul conversations, yoga, hiking, laughing.
Some of these I do every single day and some of these I do as often as I can, but I am intentional about making sure my days always have moments of joy!
Embrace the Beauty and Magic that is Only You
This one is absolutely essential to create real, lasting joy. Because real joy truly is an internal state. Real joy is when you 100% love and accept yourself and show up authentically for life. This level of deep joy comes when you finally let go of caring about whatever anyone else thinks of you. When you finally let your true self be seen. When you love and accept yourself exactly as you are and no longer are trying to “fit in” or mold yourself to someone else’s standards or expectations. This level of self acceptance, deep self-love, and stepping into your truth is where true joy lies. This is when no matter what the circumstances, no matter what people say about you or to you, no matter what, you still feel a deep sense of joy. It’s a feeling you have that is unrelated to anything external, any outside circumstances. It’s a deep, rich, fullness from within.
Listen to the Whisper of Your Heart
We all have a deep calling in life. Something that we know we’re meant to bring to the world. It is different for everyone, but we all have a purpose for being on this earth. For me, it’s helping women reclaim their lives and step into their greatness, for others it may be nursing by helping people feel safe and comforted when in distress, it may be painting, it may be motherhood, it may be bringing more laughter into the world through art, it may be underwater basket weaving. Whatever it is, there is a whisper in your heart calling you forward to step into your fullest potential, step into your purpose. And, I know from experience that you might not be sure what it is. I spent so many years trying to “find it,” but now I know it was always there, I just wasn’t ready to listen. But, when you bravely listen to that whisper of your heart and take bold action to become the person you are meant to become in this life, there is no greater joy.
I am so pumped and excited for you to step into your greatness! Imagine your life and how it will feel when you show up 100% authentically and true to yourself, when you love yourself deeply and know your worth, when you feel your most confident, when you feel in purpose, when you are feeling joy every single day, when you feel fully alive again!
Are you Ready???
Reach out to me if you’re ready to experience your next level of life and step into your most confident, empowered, joy-filled self!
How I Got Rid of Anxiety For Good
[Exposed Day 8]- 15 years ago I was barely functioning.
I was in my mid-20’s, living in the Bay Area with my boyfriend, partying on the weekends with friends, and appeared to be loving life (aren’t we all so good at pretending all is good), but what so many people didn’t know was I was suffering with severe anxiety.
I mean I regularly waking up in the middle of the night in a full blown panic attack, not flying for 8 years because I was so terrified, constant chest pain, and 3 separate trips to hospitals to get EKG’s because I was sure I was dying and of courses all the tests showed nothing was wrong with me physically.
Anxiety wasn’t new to me at the time, I had had it since I was a kid, and the list above is only a very small example of how it effected my life over the years, but this was the worst it had ever been. If you have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks you know how helpless you can feel.
I had resigned to anxiety just being a part of my life. But, a few years ago, when I started to seriously embark down my spiritual path and the rediscovery of my truest, highest self something amazing happened.
My anxiety disappeared!
It wasn’t my intention to rid myself of anxiety, but it was a byproduct of taking care of myself more deeply.
Standing here at the age of 38, I can say I do not suffer from anxiety anymore. My last panic attack was in those days of my 20’s, I haven’t had chest pain or fear of dying for years, and I fly on planes now whenever without much concern.
Here are the 3 main things I did to get rid of anxiety for good
Daily Meditation
When I started meditating every day it allowed me to clear my mind, better understand the patterns of my thinking, and learn how to stay centered and grounded throughout my day. I became much better at being aware of my thoughts and guiding them in a much more supportive direction before they started spiraling out of control. Even just 10-15 minutes a day was enough to make huge shifts in my life.
Daily Yoga
I’m not overexaggerating when I say yoga changed my life. It has changed my life in so many ways, but to stay focused on the topic at hand it was profound because it was the first time I ever really connected to my body and my breath. On my mat, I focused on full, deep breathing, which calms the nervous system. I also connected deeply with my body in a way that I never had before. So much of my anxiety manifested somatically (in my body) and gaining a greater awareness and a tool that helped me be able to calm and nurture my body was transformative. Even if I only did yoga for 20 minutes a day it made all the difference for setting my body and mind up for success and out of anxiety. And, I could take that connection both to my body and my breath off the mat and into my day.
Cut Out Sugar
I initially chose to cut out sugar to relieve brain fog as I heard it can be a culprit in that, but it not only relieved the brain fog, it also had a great effect on reducing my anxiety. It’s known that the food we put in our body not only effects how we feel physically, but also how we feel emotionally and mentally. I have seen and heard this time and time again, and it was absolutely true for me. I started by reducing all sugar which meant no processed foods, low sugar fruit, no sweeteners, and obviously no desserts of any kind. I did this for about a month to really get the sugar out of my system and to get out of the habit of craving sweets (which luckily for me was never to big). I saw the level of my anxiety reduce pretty quick. After about a month, I slowly started to relax on being really strict on my sugar consumption as I wanted to see how I would feel if I added it back in a bit. Now, I can have sugar occasionally without an increase in anxiety.
I am not saying this is the cure all for everybody or that you shouldn’t see a doctor if your anxiety feels unmanageable, but I wanted to share what has worked for me. The me of 15 or even 10 years ago couldn’t imagine a life without anxiety, but after I started to regularly meditate, do yoga, and consume little sugar it has almost disappeared completely. And, when anxiety does show up now it is in a small way and I have the tools above to help relieve it before it ever gets close to feeling overwhelming and unmanageable.
So, if you are looking for a more natural way of reducing or eliminating anxiety from your life try the above 3 things in ernest and it may be just the thing that helps.
The SECRET to Letting Go of People Pleasing For Good
I am guilty of being a compulsive people pleaser.
For as long as I can remember I avoided confrontation at all cost.
I was so uncomfortable with the idea of people being upset at me. As a little kid when my mom said she was disappointed in me or my behavior I would immediately burst into tears.
As a teen I refused to burn any bridges even when I continued to be burned (insert toxic friendships and crappy boyfriends).
As an adult the same patterns of lose boundaries and people pleasing continued. I was a “Yes” girl even when I wanted to say no. I was a “go with the flow” girl even when it didn’t feel good.
There were a few times in the past couple of years that I experienced friends holding healthy boundaries (and not people pleasing) and it was reflected back to me that my annoyance of their unwillingness to compromise was actually just examples of healthy boundaries. They weren’t being mean, they weren’t disregarding my feelings or needs intentionally, but they were holding healthy and strong personal boundaries for themselves. In the moments that both of those incidents were reflected back to me (very close to each other) it was like an ‘aha’ moment. My annoyance was only because I had no boundaries and expected other people to be the same.
And what it boils down to is the real reason I was such a people pleaser was because I wanted to be liked. I was so fearful of what others thought of me, whether or not they liked me, or wanted to be my friend. I wanted to feel validated, important, good enough, and my way of doing that was by making others happy.
People pleasing is exhausting and depleting and never actually made me feel good enough, liked, or important on a deep soul level. It was a surface level bandaid for a much bigger wound and my soul wasn’t fooled.
But, when these types of patterns have been ingrained in you for most of your life it takes real work, awareness and determination to change them.
Here are 2 Things You MUST Do To Let Go of People Pleasing for Good:
Let Go of Your Need to Be Liked by Everyone
Because here’s the deal you will never be liked by everyone. And there is no need to be. The energy behind people pleasing only attracts more people into your life that will take advantage of your lose boundaries. But, when you create healthy boundaries and make your needs just as important as everyone else’s then energetically you are attracting the right people into your life that will support, love, and respect you even when you aren’t bending over backwards for them. And, funny thing is the people that held really strong boundaries with me I came to really respect because of it. I didn’t dislike them, judge them, or take it personally. I saw them as teachers of a very important lesson.
Start Loving Yourself Instead
When you love yourself deeply you no longer need approval and acceptance by everyone else. It’s time to create healthy boundaries that honor your needs. Before saying “yes,” ask yourself “is this honoring me? Is this supportive, kind, and respectful to me? Will this fill me up or deplete me and cause resentment?” And secondly, prioritize self-care and self-love practices by creating a powerful daily routine. For ideas on what to include in a daily routine that will make feeling good your new normal and establish a foundation of self love and worthiness check out my free guide, The 1st Step to Manifesting A Life You Love.
3 Steps to Finding Your Soul’s Purpose (plus an exercise to connect to your intuition)
If you’re anything like me you have spent years searching for your soul’s purpose. You have agonized about your purpose. You have been envious of your friends who seem to have discovered it in infancy.
You get excited about something and go all in, gung-ho, for about 5 minutes (okay, a week or two), only to realize you actually don’t like it all that much.
You are embarrassed that you have tried so many things and nothing has been it.
You want to figure it out so bad and worry that you are never going to find it.
I so get it! I spent a good part of the last decade in this cycle of searching, thinking I found it, only to be disappointed that, nope, yet again, it’s not my heart’s passion. I went from job to job, idea to idea, hoping that it would feel meaningful enough, but it never did. I worked with teens, toddlers, homeless, and autistic adults, I taught yoga, and dabbled in massage. And, that is only what I actually tried...the list of ideas could go on and on. I felt desperate to find more meaning for my life, to find my thing, my purpose, the reason I came onto this planet. And, I do truly believe that all of these different ventures were ultimately leading me down the path to where I was meant to be. It’s all a journey, right! But, I also believe I could have found it faster and with a lot less anxiety and stress if I had trusted more that my purpose ultimately would find me if I opened up and allowed it to come. So, keep on a readin’ if you are really wanting to know your soul’s purpose, why you are here, and want to open up to it in a way that feels good.
3 Steps to Finding Your Soul’s Purpose
STOP LOOKING….
Say what? Yep, that’s right. Stop looking. The energy of looking, searching, trying to figure it out is low, desperate, and anxious. From my own experience, underlying was a deep fear that I would never know. That somehow I was just missing out on that clarity that seems to come so easily to some. I worried that I would always be wondering, wandering, on a search to discover. I mean we all want to know why we are here. We all feel a call to live a life of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment, but when we are in an energy of fear, worry, desperation to find it, we are only keeping ourselves separate from it. So stop looking and start trusting. Start trusting that if you stay in an energy of openness, exploring things that you enjoy, that light you up, and feel good then you are on the right path for it to come to you.
TUNE INTO YOUR SOUL...
What is that little voice inside of you saying? I bet you already know. Our intuition and highest self already knows. Get out of your head and into your heart. Start paying attention to the voice of your intuition, your own inner guide. What is it saying to you? What is that little niggle of an idea that keeps whispering to you. If you start tuning in more, I bet you will discover it has been inside of you all along. But, sometimes that little voice can be so far out, can be whispering to you something that seems too far out of reach, that seems unfathomable in your present reality so you have been ignoring it. Trust me I know, I spent 4 years ignoring my inner voice because I could not see a reality in which that possibility could come true. I continued to push it aside, ignore it, staying stuck in a job that was killing my soul, but it checked all the boxes; paid well, was incredibly flexible with my family needs, was part-time, was five minutes from my house. What more could I ask for?? Oh right, something that actually lit me up, made me come alive, feel excited, free, joy, purpose. None of those boxes were checked. And, let me tell you that those boxes are the most important boxes to be checked! So, what do you need to do to trust that little voice and open up to a new possibility even if it feels really far outside your current reality….
SUSPEND YOUR DOUBT AND JUMP INTO THE UNKNOWN….
That’s right, girl… you gotta get outside your comfort zone, stretch outside your box of safety and security, and trust that when you jump into the unknown of possibility and follow the path that your soul is leading you on, you will succeed. You will thrive! Take it from me, I spent 4 years stuck in my little bubble of mediocrity because I held an iron grip on my need to feel secure and stable. For 4 years, I didn’t let myself even consider the musings of my inner voice, my soul. It felt so so far outside of what was possible for me. So far outside of a reality that I could even imagine. I rationalized that I had a good job (even though I felt like my soul died a little bit more every day that I went), it helped pay the bills, there was no way I could give that up, my family needed my income, my husband would never be okay with me taking a big risk and losing my financial contribution to the family. The excuses went on and on and they were only the surface level. Even deeper I told myself, who do you think you are to dream so big, you can’t do that, you don’t know how to do that, you’ll fail just like you have with everything else you tried, you’re not good enough. That list goes on and on too!
But, here’s the amazing part! One day, I just decided to throw all my excuses out the window and listen to my inner voice. Which was saying, “you are meant to do something bigger in the world. You have a message to share. You are meant to make a huge impact.” And, even though I didn’t know the specifics, the how, the anything of what that meant, I decided to listen. That day I decided to bring that little voice out into light and see what happens. And, oh my god, with that decision my whole life changed. The reality that I could not fathom ever being possible came true. My family and friends completely supported me and from there I just opened up to receiving more and more information on what my soul was ready to do, how I could be of service, how I could make an impact.
I didn’t go searching, but I allowed it to find me, I opened up to all possibilities. And, that is when life coaching honestly fell into my life. And, the funny thing was I had been exposed to life coaches for all those years, but I hadn’t been open to seeing it as a reality for me, so I didn’t really see it. Only when I became open, let go of my own limitations and doubts, and stepped into the unknown did I finally see what had been in front of me for years.
When you’re ready, your purpose will present itself to you. So, let go of your need to find it, tune into your soul, your inner voice that already has all the answers, and allow yourself to step out of the confines or your current reality so that you can dream even bigger, so you can open up to a possibility so much greater then you can imagine now.
HERE'S AN EXERCISE TO CONNECT TO YOUR INNER VOICE
Meditate- sit quietly, close your eyes, and connect to your breath. After a few minutes connecting to your breath, ask for guidance, “Dear Universe, please allow me to connect to my intuition, my highest self, and your divine guidance so that I can truly know my soul’s purpose. Please reveal to me what I am meant to do in this life. I am open to receive this message now.”
Have your journal and a pen close to you and start writing down whatever guidance comes through into your journal. Allow it to be a stream of consciousness as you write whatever comes to you. Don’t think about it, don’t analyze it, or edit it, just write whatever comes through. This is your soul speaking to you.
And, if it doesn’t come through right away that’s okay. Just keep doing this everyday. Keep opening yourself up to hear and connect to your own inner voice, and with practice that voice will go from a tiny little whisper to a strong, loud, and empowered voice.
with so much love,
Shaina
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You Can't Become What You Want By Remaining What You Are
How many times have you found that you really want to attract something into your life and it just isn’t happening?
You feel like you are doing all the right things- affirmations, positive thoughts, visualizations, doing your best to feel as good as you can, but you aren’t seeing any results for your efforts.
I came across this quote recently that really sums up the issue,
“we can’t become what we want by remaining what we are.”
The problem is that underneath all your positive intentions and efforts you still have underlying, subconscious stories, beliefs, and programming that are keeping you from truly being in alignment with what you desire to attract into your life.
By the time we are in our mid-life, we are basically living on auto-pilot. Our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors have become completely habitual, they have become subconsciously programmed within us. And, this programming is based on old stories, memories, and experiences which affect the decisions you make and how you see and interact with the world.
So, you have to transcend your old ways of being, thinking, acting, feeling in order to have a new experience. You can’t be the same person you are now, running the same stories and habitual ways of being and expect something new to happen.
Like the old saying goes, “ you can’t do the same things over and over again and expect a different result. That’s the definition of insanity.”
I was thinking about how these old stories have been playing out and affecting my life and a story that has been on repeat for the last 20 years of my life has been “I’m not smart enough.” I have been telling myself this same story since I was a teenager and in fact this story is what kept me from going to college for 8 years, it has kept me quiet in social situations for fear that I would say the wrong thing or sound stupid, it has stopped me from speaking out at work and sharing my ideas because why would I think my ideas were better or worth hearing compared to all those other smarter people in the room.
And, what’s interesting is that in my mid-20’s I did end up going to college and I got a 4.0 the whole way through and STILL my story story didn’t change. That story of ‘I’m not smart enough’ was so ingrained in my subconscious that I couldn’t see any evidence to the contrary even when it was right in front of my face.
That’s the way our brains work. It will look for evidence in our environment that supports our stories~ the programs that have been running our lives. So, graduating from college with a 4.0 was completely overlooked because it didn’t support my story, but every time I fumbled over my words, didn’t know what to say, or didn’t have the right answer, my subconscious sure did notice that. It’s noticed it because it reconfirmed and supported the story I held so deeply.
Marianne Williamson says, “the stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live.”
The stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live because our brain will continue to find evidence to prove that story true. So, our reality becomes the playbook of these stories. Whether the story you are telling yourself is that no one supports you, there are no good men left, you are just unlucky, bad stuff always happens to you, you’re not important, that will be your experience because you are viewing the world through that lens.
I had a real ‘a-ha’ moment when I started on this entrepreneurial journey and became a spiritual mindset coach. I knew that there was no way I was going to be successful if I held onto this old, worn out story about myself. I couldn’t remain the version of myself who believed I wasn’t smart enough.
You see, if your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are not in alignment then what you desire will not come to fruition. Your subconscious beliefs are stronger than your thoughts, they are more ingrained, they will override all the good intentioned thoughts you have in relation to your desires.
I knew that I had to decide to be a new version of myself. I had to change the story and live into an updated, expanded version of me that truly believed I was smart enough. And, when I did “boom” I gained more and more momentum in my business, I attracted the right clients and those clients were getting amazing results. The more and more I experienced these things that supported my new story that I am smart enough, the stronger the belief became.
When I chose to become the woman who believed I was smart enough and believed in my success, and did the deep work to let go of the old story and flip the script to this new story, my whole reality shifted to support that new belief. I now view the world from this updated, more empowered version of me and the world responds in turn.
Amazing!
But, it all starts with you. You have to uncover the stories and you have to decide to flip the script. You have to decide to become an updated, more empowered, more self-loving version of yourself. And, then you have to do the work.
So, here are my questions to you and I would love to hear your answers. You can reply back to this email.
What stories are you telling yourself about yourself that are keeping you stuck?
What stories are you ready to break up with?
What’s going to be your new story?
Who’s the new, expanded version of yourself going to be?
Who are you ready to become so that you can attract in all that you desire? Declare it now!
This is such a powerful exercise to gain awareness on the subconscious blocks you have so that you can make lasting and massive shifts in your life. Take your power back, live your truth, and create a life you love.
And, I would love to support you in this journey! If you are interested in learning more about working with me 1 on 1 reply to this email. I can’t wait to hear from you!
What Does Self-Love Really Mean and Why it Matters?
You have heard me talk about the importance of self-love a lot. But, what does it really mean? Well, let me break it down for ya.
Self-love is the foundation of feeling good.
Feeling good is the foundation of attracting into your life what you desire, be it relationships, career, friendships, money, love, everything.
Self-love is how you get into the energy of your highest self, and your energy is everything!
But, what does it mean! How do I cultivate it?
Self-love means you believe in your own worthiness.
Self-Love means you believe you deserve all that you desire.
Self-Love means you believe you are good enough.
Self-love means you give yourself permission to put yourself first.
Self-love means you can look into your own eyes and feel good and loving towards who you are looking at.
Self-love means you treat your body well by exercising, eating well, and sleeping enough.
Self-love means you prioritize things that make you feel happy and joyful, that light up your soul.
Self-love means you don’t sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of everyone else’s.
Self-love means you let go of people pleasing and take care of you.
Self-love means carving out time every day to do the practices that keep you aligned with your highest self and in your truth.
Self-love means you aren’t afraid to be who you really are and let your real self be seen.
Self-love means you take the risks even when you are afraid to do whatever it is that fills your soul with purpose.
Self-love means you don’t shrink yourself down to make others feel more comfortable.
Self-loves means you own who you are with confidence and power.
Self-love means you have fully stepped into who you really are and let your light shine bright.
Self-love isn’t a concept, but a daily practice to get closer and closer to your truth and feeling proud, confident, whole, joyful, empowered, and loving in who you really are.
And, when you fully embody who you are and love yourself deeply, your energy soars. You become a beacon of light and love in the world, you impact all the energy around you and people you connect with will start to rise as well. Life begins to flow beautifully and things fall into place as they should.
This is how you create a life you love. You focus on you. You focus on loving yourself deeply and getting selfish about feeling good. You focus on stepping fully into your truth. Then life flows as you want it to with ease and grace. Your relationships improve. Your find you have more time than you thought you had to incorporate into your life the things you love. You start connecting more deeply to your partner, your kids, your friends.
You have started a vortex, a momentum of love and feeling good that just keeps getting bigger and stronger, and bringing into your life more things that support that beautiful loving vibration.
Sounds good, right?
It is good! It is amazing!
I know from experience because I went from only a few years ago feeling totally lost, overwhelmed, overshadowed, and like something was really missing to now living in my purpose, deeply connected to my husband in a much bigger way then I have ever felt before, surrounded by soul sisters that I longed to have for most of my life (that just floated in so effortlessly), and truly feeling so much love, joy, gratitude, and contentment every single day.
What shifted my life so dramatically was finally giving myself permission to let go of the guilt and put my needs and desires on the table, a HUGE act of self-love. I have then committed to practices that cultivate self-love, worthiness, and connecting to my highest self every single day.
It is work. It takes dedication, but it is SO worth it. I am a different person today then I was 4 years ago and this can be true for you too. If you are desiring a different life for yourself, one where you matter, one where you feel a deep sense of joy and love every single day, one where you cultivate a sacred relationship with yourself that massively benefits all of your other relationships as well, one where you get to create the life you love rather then feel like life is living you, then...
Let’s connect. I would be so honored to support you on your journey to rediscovering your true self, to releasing the limiting beliefs and fears that are keeping you from thriving in all areas of your life, and to see you going from lost, stressed, and overwhelmed to confident, present, vibrant, and ABSOLUTELY in love with your life.
Why “I'm fine” doesn't really work
My friend and I were recently talking about our tendency to acknowledge when things feel hard, but to gloss over them. To use our natural optimistic, glass half-full attitude to focus on the good things, the things we are grateful for as a way to feel better. She said she has known this stuff was lurking within her, but she is a positive person and wanted to keep her head up and focus on all the good stuff she had going for her. She thought acknowledging it was there was enough. “Yeah, things are hard, but I’m fine.” We all do that, right? I’m fine, It’s fine. Look at all the the things I have to be grateful for, I don’t need to dwell on these hard things. I’m fine. Well, she discovered, as we all have, that glossing over the “hard stuff” and focusing on the good doesn’t make those feelings go away. They just linger in the background. This little cloud falling you around. Which means that the good stuff, the things we are grateful for and that make us happy will always have that little cloud falling them around creating a darkness over even the stuff that lights us up. If we don’t take the time to not just acknowledge the feelings, but actually allow ourselves to feel and explore them they will continue to haunt us. We need to get curious.
Why do I feel so upset? What feels so hard? Why do I think I am feeling this way? Why did that circumstance impact me so deeply? What can I learn from this?
I understand the fear that if you start to pry it open a bit, if you start to get curious, the floodgates will open wide up and swallow you whole. That had been my fear for a long time. I had been living on “I’m fine” for so long, but knowing that there was a lot of things lurking below the surface that felt so heavy. If I start to check those things out, if I start to feel what I have been pushing down and away for so long, will it consume me completely? I know I spent years trying not to acknowledge the pain of my experiences because I thought if I let myself go there it may be so big I will get lost in it. But, I have come to realize that by avoiding it it still consumes us, but in more subtle and covert ways. The pain won’t go away until we address it.
What we resist persists!
We need to acknowledge the difficulties, we need to make space to feel whatever is really there in that moment, but not get so caught up in it that we spiral down and get stuck in the mucky darkness. That’s why it is important to not go at it all alone, whether that be a therapist, a coach, or a friend you can trust. They can help you navigate the darker waters, holding your hand and making sure you don’t fall so deeply in that you aren’t able to come back out.
And, trust me, although it is scary, we can’t stay in the “I’m fine” mode forever. Whether or not you want it, the feelings will eventually come to the surface. And, they will continue to be a cloud looming over all your experiences until you do finally decide to shine a light into the dark recesses of your soul.
Through my experience I have found that by letting myself be in the discomfort with an open heart and really allowing whatever is there to be there, I have come out the other end feeling stronger, more empowered, and wiser. I have shed light on my darkness. I now have a better understanding of how I got to be where I am. I have a better understanding of I why I lost faith in my worthiness, my deservedness for all that I desire. How my past has shaped the way I think and live my life now. How our culture, our family, the media influence and program us to “be” a certain way. It is liberating when we shed light on all of this because then we get to make more conscious, intentional choices. Once we explore the darkness and become aware of our limiting core beliefs and how they manifested, we take back control. We can make positive shifts, we can choose to see things differently now that we have more understanding of our patterns and subconscious blocks.
We get our power back! Now, that is something to be grateful for!