#1 way to experience more joy

Let me ask you​... when's the last time you really put yourself first?

I mean truly prioritized your happiness, your desires, your needs before everyone else?

And, if you have, were you able to do it without massive guilt?

I struggled with this for most of my adult life.  I felt selfish if I 'asserted' my own needs.  I avoided confrontation at all costs, I was the ultimate people pleaser, and worked to fit in rather then honor myself, all in a desperate attempt to be liked, loved, and accepted.  And, I had a belief (as many of us have been programmed to believe) that to be accepted and to feel loved, I had to bend and flow to the needs and desires of everyone else.

This is the way so many women go through life.  We have been taught to put ourselves last.  To be quiet, meek, selfless, to sacrifice, to put ourselves last.  We live this way until we finally hit a tipping point where we realize we have totally disappeared from our own lives.  That we have morphed, bent, contorted, stretched to be everything for everyone else that we've lost ourselves.

This was where my own spiritual journey began.  One day I looked in the mirror and realized that I didn't even know who I was anymore.  I felt like a shell, a shadow, going through the motions of life, but not really living.  I had pretty debilitating anxiety that seemed to control my life.  I was parenting my young daughter, taking care of my terminally ill mother, working, and managing my household.  I was in a job I hated, but had accepted as 'good enough.'  My marriage was rocky. I felt like I was drowning. I was lost and their was an emptiness inside me.

And, to say the least, there was no joy.

I had no idea what brought me joy.  I was desperately desiring to feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, passion, purpose in my life and I kept looking outside myself to find it.  But, what I quickly learned was to truly find, cultivate, and feel true joy I had to journey back to myself.

True joy comes from within!

To experience real, lasting joy you get to claim space in your own life.  You get to prioritize your own needs, your own desires, your own wants! 

You get to choose you!

You get to reconnect to yourself.  Create and nurture a relationship with yourself. Show yourself that you honor, value, and believe you are worthy of taking up space. 

And, I'll be honest, it can be an uncomfortable process at first.  Whenever you step out of your comfort zone, when you start pushing against the edges of the status quo, when you start to put yourself in the equation of your own life in a way that the people in your life aren't used to, it will likely ruffle some feathers. 

That's okay! Allow the discomfort to be there. It's a necessary step in reclaiming your life.  Then start to get curious.  Start tuning into your own inner knowing, your own intuition, your highest Soul Self and ask, "what do I want? What would make me happy? What lights me up? What would fill me with joy?

Start making your relationship to yourself your top priority. 

Start speaking up about what you want, what you need. And, start intentionally and consciously doing things every single day that fill you up, that make you happy.  Start getting selfish about feeling good!

This is how you begin to create true, lasting joy... by showing yourself you believe in your own worth and love yourself. By choosing you.  By beginning to believe that your happiness, your desires, your wants, your needs, matter just as much as anyone else's. 

And, start to consider your wants, desires, and need every single day and when making any decisions.  Before saying 'yes' to others, ask yourself, "is this honoring and loving to me? Will this bring me joy and feel good to do? Does this feel in alignment to my truth and highest self?"

So, I invite you to start getting curious.  How often are you prioritizing yourself in your life? Pull out your journal and free write on these questions:

1. What would my life look life if I prioritized my own happiness?

2. What would I do differently then I am doing now?

3. How can I bring more joy into my life?

4. What do I really want?

5. What is the little voice inside of me whispering to me? What do I really desire?

6. And, what stories, resistance, or beliefs come up when I start considering prioritizing myself in my life?

Tell me where you are struggling most to take up space in your life.  What stories or resistance come up for you when you think about prioritizing your own happiness?

And, download my free guide, TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE to start creating your best life now!

so much love and light to you,

Shaina

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3 Steps to Owning Your Story So You Can Let Go of Hustling for Your Worthiness

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” Bréne Brown

I used to stand so far outside my story so ashamed about what it meant about me that I was constantly hustling to feel worthy, to feel lovable, and to try and “fit in.”

It was exhausting and it was lonely.

And, it never worked!

It was only when I decided that I was not going to let my history, my story, define me that I was able to take my power back.

I realized that I get to choose whether or not I was going to live forever burdened by the shame of it or if I was going to own the facts about my history, but without letting those facts define who I was as a person or hold any weight on whether or not it meant I had worth as a human being.

You see... our pasts, our stories, are only significant because of the meaning we choose to give them.

When I finally decided to own my story I was able to create a new meaning for myself.  No longer was I the unworthy, forever damaged, and unlovable person that had to always try so hard to be “good enough.”

No, I got to choose how I let it define me. I got to rewrite the ending of my story…

I got to see the struggles and the traumas that I have been through as gifts.  They have allowed me to be strong, resilient, compassionate, and passionate about supporting others who I know have suffered too.  They have brought me to my calling of supporting others to no longer be victims to their past and their stories so that they can truly reclaim their lives and themselves again from a place of true compassion and understanding.

I’m now so grateful for all that I have been through and truly see it as a blessing.

What a truly miraculous, life changing experience it was to release all the shame and own my story and who I am with compassion and love!

Are you still hustling to prove your worth? Or, are you ready to walk inside your story and OWN it?

If you’re ready to take your power back learn my 3 step process to write a new amazing ending to your story!

3 Steps to Owning Your Story

What is your story?

What is a story from your past that causes you the most shame?  For me, it was the fact that both my parents were addicts. As a baby, my mom left me because she was addicted to heroin and couldn’t take care of me anymore.  This caused me a deep, deep level of shame and a belief at my core that I was unlovable, not good enough, and damaged goods. I could never possibly tell anyone about this because then they would know the “truth” about me.  They would know that I was fundamentally flawed!

This is the first part of owning your story-- acknowledging it and writing it down. There is power in writing.  When we put pen to paper and write our truth we start to take some of OUR power back. It’s when we hold it in, hide it, let it fester, that these stories end up controlling our lives.

So, grab a pen, some paper, and acknowledge your shame story.  Write it down.

What’s True?

How much of your story is fact and how much have you created for yourself? What parts of your story are you allowing to define you? The shame comes not by the truth of our past, but by the meaning we’ve created about it. 

It’s a fact that my mom left me when I was a baby because she was addicted to heroin and couldn’t take care of me.  

The meaning I created was that because of that I am unlovable, unworthy, and deeply damaged.

Do you see how we do that?  We are always trying to make meaning of the things that have happened during our lives and we often come to the conclusion that we’re the reason bad things happened. We take it personally, and use the facts to define ourselves in a negative way.

It’s time to look at your story and piece apart what’s true and what’s not.  What are the facts and what is the meaning you created around those facts. When we’re able to see the difference here and separate the facts from the story, that’s when we’re empowered to create a new story.  To create new meaning.

Find The Gift in Your Story

You get to choose what your story means!  Why not find the beauty and gift in it? What about your past has allowed you to be who you are today? What gift did your past give you?

I realized that my story allowed me to know what deep shame feels like, it allowed me to be more understanding and compassionate for people (because we all have stories), it allowed me to be the strong and resilient.  It allowed me to learn that self-love is the key to my worthiness and allowed me the ability to let go of needing to be liked and approved of by everyone else because I love and approved of myself. And, it ultimately led me to be incredibly passionate about supporting women in owning their stories and taking back their power so that they can love themselves and create their lives on purpose! 

What is the gift in your story?

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How to Create Unwavering Confidence

One of the reasons that I struggled to step fully into my highest self, step fully into the life I know I was meant to live, and desired to create was because l lacked Confidence.

I believed confidence was an innate characteristic that some people had, and I just didn’t have it in me.

But, here’s the truth Confidence is a choice.

It is within all of us and just needs to be developed and built up.

Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to walk into any room with your head held high and strike up a conversation with anyone.

Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to speak up at work and share your ideas.

Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to break out of the mold and let your real self be seen without the fear of judgment or rejection.

I get it.... I have desired all those things and so much more, but self-doubt and insecurity kept me small for a really long time...

You see, we tend to forge beliefs about ourselves based on negative experiences we have had in the past and they keep us from living into our full potential. But, these experiences are in your past. You do not need to let them define you and become your future. You get to choose who you are NOW, and the life you want to live. You can choose now to see yourself as worthy, capable, and deserving!

You can create an unwavering CONFIDENCE in yourself NOW!

Here’s How:

1. Think of an area in your life that you have felt too afraid to pursue or go for. Where in your life have you lacked the confidence to to show up fully?

(example: I lack the confidence to show up fully in new social situations, I feel anxious and like I will have nothing to say.)

2. Write down the negative beliefs or conclusions you have created about yourself in this area.

(example: I am not good at small talk. People aren’t going to like more or they are going to judge me because I am awkward when I’m in new social situations. I don’t know how to talk to people.)

3. Create new empowering affirmations that are the opposite of these negative beliefs.

(example: I am an awesome communicator. I can walk into any room with my head held high and talk to anyone with ease. I believe it’s easy and fun to be in new social situations.) 4. Write out a new, positive, empowering scenario where you are taking this area of your life by the horns! Where you are showing up fully, in your power, and fill this description with all the feel good feelings you want to experience.

(example: I see myself walking up to a group of people that are all chatting, my head is held high, my shoulders are back, I have a big smile on my face. I easily and confidently walk up to the group and join the conversation. They are excited and happy to have me join. I feel and ease and love being able to chat effortlessly with anyone. I am self-assured, confident, and joyful.)

5. Now visualize yourself in your new image. In this new, updated version of you. Imagine doing the thing that scares you and doing it beautifully. Our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This has been scientifically proven! If you spend 5-10 minutes every day vividly imagining yourself doing the thing that scares you and doing it really well. If you can see yourself really capable, and not only that, but also feeling good doing it, you will create it in your reality. Start to feel into the experience as if it’s happening right now. See yourself tackling whatever it is with confidence, excitement, enjoyment, joy, gratitude.

The more you do this, your subconscious mind will start to believe that it has happened, you will start to create new neural pathways, new emotions, and feelings around this area of your life.

You will create the confidence you need to go and do the thing!

Are you ready to commit to this practice? Commit to creating your life on your terms! You have the choice. What choice are you going to make?

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